the clock is ticking, and 2010 is coming.
the years pass, and i no longer whine about not being to make new year eve big and happening. because in a year, maybe 2 or 3, i will no longer have this precious moments to look forward to. it is time to grow up and move out of another comfort zone; home. i need this moments to keep me alive and kicking to go through whats next in life for me.
the year is quickly coming to an end, and it has been eventful even if i thought it wasn't in the beginning.
what have i done what have i not,
what did i accomplish what did i not,
what have i gained what i have yet to,
what did i learn what did i not,
where have i gone, where have i not gone,
loved and lost, lost and found, found and gone.
i am becoming a different person, for the better, for the future, for tomorrow. and i pray everyday the step i take is neither right nor wrong. i grow more cynical and i find myself highly expectant of what tomorrow brings, what the next person brings, what my next move brings. higher expectations that i cannot deny myself of because this allows me comfort in the things i have no control in. moving on has always been a part of me, and yet it gets harder with each try.
the supposed insignificant events, the supposed forgettable, the supposed unimportant.meminisse.
i believe in inner strength, i carry hope; i believe the impossible. but i do not have the faith to know that the impossible is attainable. i have been shown otherwise. edward cullen = unattainable, hence my infatuation. my crazy, crazy, infatuation.
you're right, how do i fidget when there is no call, no text? how do i feel such things anymore. these emotions are no longer familiar, i do not recognize it hence eliminating the need or want for it. temporary or not, i can only hope for the best. broken, you say. i call it the inability to repair or fix. but the ability to take whats left and make it happen.
my most limited yet profound indulgence has been the lego man. wrong place wrong time? i cannot help but wonder if things had been different, would it have been different. i guess it works that way. with each greeting a reminder lingers on what was found and lost, has the journey just begun or has it ended. too young, too soon? it would have been perfect, but in my eyes the picture is no longer painted with colours, it is a mixture of white and grey. of innocence and ignorance that when combined together makes it unfathomable. a maze with or without an exit? i don't care to find out. don't feel sorry. if i gave it a chance, it will end in regret and the unattainable. only time will tell.
you have always been there through the ups and down, and without you from here to down under and back, i don't think i would have made it through. i'd like to impress myself and say it was all me, but it was the encouragement and belief that soothed the insecurity and pain life has brought.
i disagreed with the stars because the stars have grown and to something completely different, for me to watch and look after behind and for you to reach out, find out.
knowledge, passion, determination, strength, hard work, consistency, entertainment; what it is all about to be and become. give me the powaH.
i have more nonsensical musings to write, but my own words have gotten me lost in my musings.
